I’ve reached another level of self-hate

I took a webcam photo of myself and tried to draw it…

All the dark/bad lighting made me looks really dead and awful and since I’ve been so tired and depressed these last few weeks. I probably look the worst that I have ever in my entire life… So I took the picture. 

After that I stared at it and opened SAI. I started to draw myself from the photo reference I had taken, glaring at those ugly lines and dark spots and I drew every one of them. Normally, when I go to draw myself I take a high contrast photo of myself with the light blowing out all of my ugliness, but not this time.

I kept my emotions in check and didn’t feel so bad for myself while doing it. “Just draw it like it is.”

So I did.

I was able to keep from crying over my stupid self until I started to type this cuz… I just really… really… hate myself.

And… there is no changing that.